For the past two years, I had tough time to settle down in
my new college. Even thou I had made bunch of friends but neither of them make
me easy and comfortable. Every day I clean my mask and wear whole day but every
night I flesh back my memory back to my old days in schools. The hobbies and
interest that I hold mean nothing, that’s why I spend most of my time alone
with my dairy. Reading again and again to console my lonely heart but nothing
came right. Although I hold no power to make thing right but I dream of
beautiful thing to forget the circumstance.
By the end of second semester, I encounter with a girl….a
beautiful one, admires by all. I never thought one day she would be my
girlfriend. As a day pass into week and weeks into month, our relation change
from stranger to friend and then finally one heart dwelling in two bodies. Her
personality is as beautiful as her appearance, that’s what I like the most. I
can say “a true inner beauty”. At very beginning I told her not to fall for me
coz she deserved 100 times better than me.
I drink as if it was my last day and smoke four to five
cigarettes a day, if I am depressed than more than you can imagine. Beside I
have damn bad image in campus beside my good name is well written in black
list. And the worst thing is….it’s my last warning. That’s why at the very
beginning I told her not to fall.
But after all I fall for her unconditionally. For the past
six months I didn't proposed her thinking she deserved better. But I couldn't
control myself and I challenge myself that am gonna change. At the same moment
I was afraid to lose her as well, if she reject am gonna lose her. So it was
challenging, so I played a dice…win or lose game.
Luckily I win….still it’s hard to believe she was my
sweetheart. She was not an ordinary woman but extraordinary and lot more than
that to me. She never demands me to quit smoking and drinking habit but rather
request to minimize it even with solution too. Although I quit my drinking but was working
on smoking…and credit goes to my beloved. Every successful man, there is a woman
behind, although I am not a successful man but she was indeed a woman to be
praise.
She makes my life perfect. Every weekend I used go to her
home, we dream of beautiful thing in coming day. She cooked delicious food and
every time she had something for me. But I hardly gave her as I have no power
to give back. All I could able to give was my time and my love. My cupboard was
almost filled with her present…from cup to clothes and other accessory. I still
feel her soft lips touch mine….and she used to hug me warmly before I left her
home sweet home. It's so sweet and romantic.I always feel really lucky to have her in my life and never
want to break her feeling. But unfortunately thing change as I did something damn
stupid.
Now I have no one and I am back to my own shape…vodka and
cigarette became my best friends once again. For that…I even broke the money
pot she provided me. It’s been two years and still I miss her badly. I never
feel the way I felt for her….coz I was deeply, madly in love with her. I used
to lay down on my cozy bed whole day and used to be away from class…books even
from society. Being alone was what I desire most….and there lie my happiness. Whatever I had great moment to remember once again and proud
to say she was once my girlfriend. As long as she is happy, I am good. I miss her.
